'I don't see color'

I had a conversation with my sweetie the other day which made me realize I'd been indoctrinated by white supremacists.  The school I attended from k-10 was run by white supremacists and was crazy racist.  They didn't believe they were racist, which, I think, is part of the problem with discussing race issues today.  It is hard to convince people who believe they treat everyone fairly that they are racist.  But I'm starting to understand a bit of what I believe racism really is between individuals and why good people (or people trying to be good) can be racist, and here's where I'm at:

People believe racism is skin deep.  For racists that I know, race is synonymous with skin color.  They say things like "I don't see color."  Toni Lahren said this in an interview with Trevor Noah and I think that unpacking this sentiment has given me a lot of clarity.  I contend that for white people in this country, "I don't see color" means "I'm going to treat and interpret people as if they were white."  Discounting whatever background they bring with them.

An obvious example is when someone gets angry that another person doesn't speak English.  "If they're in our country, they should speak the language!"  But it's more subtle and insidious than that. For example, interpreting particular habits (body language, voice volume, gestures) as angry or disrespectful could cost someone a job, even if that interpretation is incorrect.

Here's an example I found eye-opening: I'm from New Orleans. After Katrina homes were destroyed, and there were not enough workers in New Orleans to perform the repairs.  Thus, New Orleans saw a large influx of undocumented workers, mostly Mexican.  These workers unsettled me, and many people in New Orleans.  It wasn't their skin color specifically that bothered me.  I noticed that these workers stared; they stared at women A LOT.

Now, I don't presume to know whether this is a thing in Mexico or not.  All I can say is that it was a thing in New Orleans and it created and fueled a lot of hostility between those workers and others in the city.  Now, think about it, you're walking down the street and you notice a lot of men staring at you, what do you do?  I felt threatened, many men felt protective of their female companions.  This seems totally reasonable!

It is reasonable.  Most of the time in America, that level of eye contact and staring from a stranger is accompanied by threatening behavior.  That's just how our culture is, we don't stare at strangers.  But that wasn't the case with these workers.  For some reason, staring was part of their culture and was their normal.

Saying "I don't see color" means you're going to react to their behavior as if it were coming from someone like you.  For white people in this country, "I don't see color" means that I'm going to treat and interpret people as if they were white, without exception or empathy.  Some people think that's totally fine, and don't consider this racist at all.  They would proudly identify with this sort of thinking.  I think we need to label this something other than racist, for two reasons. The "I'm not racist." mentality shuts down a lot of conversations that should be happening, and if they had a label they were proud of, they might use it and be easier to identify.


And now a helpful comic by CharlieBink.

2017 Will Be Better

I think very few people would disagree with the idea that 2016 sucked.  Aside from the world itself seeming to implode, I lost sight of how much I loved fitness, gained too much weight, and generally spent the year feeling sorry for myself.  In 2017 I'm focused on a healthier and happier me. Thus, my goals are:

• Write 50 blog posts,
• Take 4 million steps,
• Cook 300 meals,
• Meditate 200 times,
• Bike 1 thousand miles.

I spent a lot of time working on the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 thing, so be impressed.  Here's the breakdown:

50 blog posts may not sound like much, and it really isn't.  But the last n blogs I've created I left alone for longer than I was comfortable with, so I just gave up.  My goal will be one post a week and I'm not going to limit the subject at all.  Cooking, health, fitness, rants, reviews, reminiscing, it's all fair game.

4,000,000 steps works out to about 11,000 steps a day. I'm using a pedometer, specifically my pebble watch, to monitor this.  Realistically, I know I'll miss days, so I'm going to aim for a 13k minimum each day, to give me a bit of a buffer.

300 meals cooked includes meals that I cook and eat more than once.  For example, I plan to make a pot of oatmeal every Monday and separating it into jars with fruit and berries.  Thus this would count for 5 meals.  However, Voila bags don't count.  That's not cooking, just heating.

200 meditation sessions is a tricky one.  I could theoretically meditate 200 times on 12/31/2017 and have it count, right?  And I do get really busy, so that's not an unreasonable hack.  So I'll say that for my first meditation in a day to count it has to be over 5 minutes.  If I do a second one, it needs to be over 10 minutes.  Two is my limit.

1,000 biked miles means I need about 20 miles a week.  On 12/28 I rode 4 miles on my stationary bike and it kicked my ass, but I imagine it will get easier the more I ride.  I'll start with a goal of 2 miles a day then work up to 12 miles 3 times per week.

1 vacation means a trip (no STAYcations will count) that is not for work.  It should include 2 nights away from home.

I'll maintain a spreadsheet to keep track of some of them (I really like spreadsheets!) by filling out a form each morning. I created the form myself using google forms.  You can find a copy here.  I set my calendar to remind me every morning to fill out the form for the day before.

I have other goals for the year that are less rigid, but I thought making these public would help me get my life back together.  Hopefully knowing I need to report on it will make it easier for me to hold myself accountable.

my words: subtle, firm, boring

my words: notsweet, dark, fruity

my words: smokey, dense

We started with the wine, and I love the label.  This was a gift from a friend of ours that I got to see for the first time in a while.  I hate being so busy.

I liked it more than sweetie, it's a little bit more acidic than I'm used to and sweetie said it was more 'alcoholy.'  I'm not sure if I agree with that.

My words: Dark, acidic, big, fragrant

Sweetie's words:  Strong, chocolate, bitter

 It's certainly not my favorite wine ever, but I enjoyed it.  (Well, I am enjoying it.  Still on my first glass.)

 This cheese had kind of a Monterrey jack consistency.  It was slightly sharp and I liked it but it was a bit unremarkable.  No nibbly bits to speak of

My words:  soft, swiss-like (though sharper), boring

Sweetie's words: creamy, Cheese doodle

Gabriella Bella Campagna Cheese (Truffle)

This cheese was coated in truffle oil, and the oil tasted ah-may-zang.  It was earthy and delicious like you would expect from a cheese coated in truffle oil, though it was just a marinade.  No truffles inside, sadly.

My words: Earthy, decadent, mozzarella-y

Sweetie's words: Olive Oil, mushroom, tangy

 Wensleydale Creamery-- Festive Warmer -- Red Leicester Cheese with Sweet Red Onion Chutney

My Words: BBQ, Sweet, Onionbits

Sweetie's Words: Sweet, Loose

 Yancey's Fancy -- New York's Artisan Cheese-- Horseradish and Smoked Bacon Aged Cheddar


My Words: Antisubtle HeatyHot GoodlySalty

Sweetie's Words: Soft AllHorseadish

New Bridge Aged 2 years Cheddar Vermont Extra Sharp


My Words: Sharp Dense Traditional

Sweetie's Words: Sharp

San Sebastian -- Vinters Red


My Words: Yuck Sweet Yuck

Sweetie's Words: Over sweetened kool-aid

We bought it mostly because it was made in FL.  I decided to try to cook with it.  What a waste of $10.  We pulled in an emergency sub.

Snap Dragon California Red 2009

My Words: Fruity, sweeter

Sweetie's Words:

Wine and cheese

So today for wine and cheese night Steve and I had the Dark Horse Cabernet Sauvignon with two cheeses: a welsh cheddar called Collier's and a Dutch goat cheese called Cablanca.  I decided that Sweetie and I should pick three words for each to describe them, and this is what we came up with.  I think it's clear I don't follow rules well.

My words:
Wine-- Fruity, earthy, chocolatey, superhero  (Similar to the sam adams' special edition chocolate cherry bock)

Cablanca--buttery, mildly goaty, corningware (This refers to the rind

Collier's--tangy, smooth, meltier cheddar, sweaty, (3 out of 10 in the nibly bits department)

Sweetie's words
Wine-- cool (i.e. not warm), mild, cherry
Collier's -- slightly bumpy, mild, bitumonous
Cablanca-- soft and creamy, square pupiled

If you think 'corningware' was an odd choice, you should take a peek at the rind.  The rind peeled off really easy, though and both cheeses were really good.  I wish we could get smaller portions like when we went to Giant Eagle Market District, though.  There isn't even a Whole Foods in town.  So lame.

I wanted to document the color of the wine, too.  It was a nice dark red.

30 day pushup challenge.

I'm going to start Fit Sugar's 30 day push up challenge.  I was considering starting on a day other than day

one, but some of the push ups she lists are no joke.

The challenge goes through 5 different push ups.  The standard push up, single leg push up (both sides),  a push up into side plank (both sides count as one rep, here) and a diamond hand position push up (pictured on the right).  By the end of the month I'm supposed to be able to do 10 each.  I think I can do it if I can stay motivated.

I'm not staying on track with my running like I'd like and I'm eating way too much old Halloween candy.  I thought something new would be helpful.  Thoughts?


EDIT: I'm on Day 4! I made it through a rest day and actually continued.  I'm doing them all on my knees, I'm weaker than I'd expected.  Still, I'm getting them done, which makes me happy!