30 day pushup challenge.

I'm going to start Fit Sugar's 30 day push up challenge.  I was considering starting on a day other than day

one, but some of the push ups she lists are no joke.

The challenge goes through 5 different push ups.  The standard push up, single leg push up (both sides),  a push up into side plank (both sides count as one rep, here) and a diamond hand position push up (pictured on the right).  By the end of the month I'm supposed to be able to do 10 each.  I think I can do it if I can stay motivated.

I'm not staying on track with my running like I'd like and I'm eating way too much old Halloween candy.  I thought something new would be helpful.  Thoughts?


EDIT: I'm on Day 4! I made it through a rest day and actually continued.  I'm doing them all on my knees, I'm weaker than I'd expected.  Still, I'm getting them done, which makes me happy!

My thoughts on emotional eating.

Hey,

Sometimes I get sad.  Sometimes when I get sad, I want a brownie.  And when I'm sad, and want a brownie, I'm going to eat a brownie.  Anyone who tells me not to is a meany.

I hate when people tell me that I shouldn't eat to soothe my emotions.  If something makes me feel good when I'm feeling sad, I see nothing wrong with indulging.  There are always caveats, but in general I think indulging when you're sad is an acceptable coping mechanism.  The trick for me is making sure I'm only eating until I feel better.  Savoring one brownie long enough that my mind realizes it's been given a happy food is a bit tricky.  Usually I'll go to Starbucks or a similar place so that I'm limited to one (or shamed into asking a barista for a second.)  A bonus is that no one can eat three of these cuties and still be sad!

I did say there were caveats.  I have some that I'm very serious about:

1.)  I will not eat to make myself feel better if I'm sad because of my weight.  This seems obvious.  I won't shop to make myself feel better about being broke.  I won't smash my phone to make myself feel better that my screen got scratched.  I won't run to make myself feel better that I pulled my hamstring.  It's actually crazy how natural it feels to do more of exactly what's making you miserable, and I try hard to suppress that impulse.  We humans love setting ourselves up for failure, right?

2.) I pay attention to whether or not eating actually made me feel better.  Chocolate does it for me, pasta doesn't.  For the longest time I'd turn to salty carbs and creamy pastas to cheer me up.  Finally I was indulging with a girlfriend and she pointed out that I'd gone through two bags of chips and I was still crying.  Yea... I didn't really know what made me happy, it was just a habit.

3.) I always burn off the calories I eat to pick myself up.  It might take me a few days, but I make sure to work them back off.  Just like you'd save money to shop, or listen to a friend complain the week after you complained to them.  I can do what I need to to cheer myself up, but I have to pay the piper.  That's not a bad thing, I just need to hold myself accountable.

4.) Most importantly, I write down every time I eat (or shop, or run, or smash my phone...) because I'm sad.  I suffer from depression.  I've been to some great therapists through my university and I'm on some fantastic medicine to treat it, but the reality is I'm always in danger of falling back into depression.  What's funny is that I'm actually very lucky that I'm aware that I'm depressed.  As women we're trained to just keep going.  We're told that everyone has it bad, so we should suffer in silence.  Throw a smile on, eat a bonbon and keep going.  That's bullshit.  If you are sad, WRITE IT DOWN!  Keep a tally.  The next time you go to your doctor, show her the list of times you were down and the severity and ask if that seems like a lot.  Keep track of how you coped with it, if it affected your job, your family, your love life.  Food is a great pick me up, but it is not a substitute for mental help.

Emotional eating is not my problem.  Mindless eating is.  Eating crazy amounts of food and at the end of the day not even remembering the binge.  Eating to make myself feel better may not be a bad decision, but I need to make the decision.  I need to be aware of my choices and how big my problems are.

My weight chart

So I decided to include a graph of my weight loss to date (well, to yesterday's date) to show two things.  One:  I'm obsessed with charts.  But more importantly Two: There's definitely a correlation between not recording my weight daily and gaining weight.  The sad thing about this is that I was still weighing myself daily!  That's right, I was just too ashamed of a lb of weight gain that I didn't put it down until I'd gained back 7 lbs.  As if not writing down my new weight would somehow trick my body into getting smaller.

The other funny thing is that all of those little increases like, say, in early October felt huge and motivated me to work that much harder.  They felt like huge setbacks.  If I didn't lose for two days I'd start thinking "Am I at a plateau?"  How do I get through it?  This was great short term, but I can't keep that kind of neurosis up long term.  I'm going to try to focus on more reasonable reactions to my weight gain.  I want to hold myself accountable, but not have a panic attack.  There's got to be some middle ground, right?